Share the Load: Asking for Help

“Will You Please Take Out the Trash?”: Asking for Help

As a Black woman, you’ve gotten used to being the one who takes charge and gets it done — who makes sure the household is running, the bills are paid on time, the kids’ schedules are on track, and food’s on the table. No wonder you feel stressed out and overwhelmed. Everything rests on your shoulders, and that’s not fair to you.

At the same time, maybe you feel reluctant to delegate tasks to the rest of the household. You might even feel guilty to ask family members and friends to step up. Or like you’re letting everyone down.

If you recognize yourself here, you’re not alone. I’ve talked a bit about pushing past these feelings to protect your health and well-being.

It can be hard, though, to get over that initial hurdle: speaking up and asking your family members to pitch in. So, here’s what I recommend.

When delegating tasks, you may feel guilty, or like you need to explain yourself. But while it’s important to be clear, direct, and respectful — you don’t need to be apologetic. Nor do you need to give excuses or reasons to ask others sharing the space to pitch in. You’re not asking for a favor, you’re simply asking for help.

For example, at first you might want to say to your partner, “I’m really sorry to bother you, but would it be okay if you took the trash out tonight? I mean, not unless you’re too busy…”

Compare with this: “Will you please take out the trash tonight? I’d appreciate that. And thank you.”

Can you sense the difference? The second example is direct, respectful, and clear — and strong. It doesn’t apologize, it doesn’t suggest you’re doing anything wrong, and it actually makes it more difficult for the person you’re asking to push back.

It takes getting used to speaking this way, though. But that’s okay! Practice writing down different asks and see if you can change them to be stronger, more empowered, and direct — that will make it easier for you to speak them aloud.

Delegating tasks can be a challenge, but it’s an important skill to learn. When you delegate tasks, you’re freeing up your time so that you can focus on the things that are most important to living a balanced life, like spending time with your family, pursuing your hobbies, or taking care of your health. You deserve that!

Come continue the conversation in my private Facebook group, Rewriting Your Future with Dr. Kelly!